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Pod Wisdom: What Criticizing Your Kids and Partner Can Tell You About Yourself

The role of criticism and acceptance in building great family relationships

We all do it: the judgments, the criticism, the frustration, the desire for others to change. It might feel that accepting behaviors we don't like or just rub us the wrong way will just make those behaviors grow—and make us unhappy—over time. But what if acceptance is actually the answer?

In episode 12 of The Family Thrive Podcast, Audra asked Ryel about the role of acceptance in building deeper, more loving family relationships. Ryel's answer surprised us:

"That which we don't welcome in ourselves is that which we don't welcome in others. So those parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with in ourselves will be projected in our discomfort in those same parts, in other people."

Ryel went to explain that really coming to accept and have compassion for the parts of us that we most harshly judge or fear or resist will open the way for us to accept and have compassion for the most important people in our lives. This requires some serious inner work:

"To the degree that I can deepen a sense of intimacy with all aspects and parts of myself, the same degree to which I'm cultivating a deeper capacity to be with the experience of others. And that, to me, is the intimacy, the ability to remain in connection and in our bodies and our awareness, in our hearts, no matter what arises for us and for other people."

‍

Pod Wisdom: What Criticizing Your Kids and Partner Can Tell You About Yourself

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Pod Wisdom: What Criticizing Your Kids and Partner Can Tell You About Yourself

In podcast episode 12, Ryel Kestano, CEO of Authentic Relating Training, International, talked about this one transformational idea behind letting go of criticism of his kids and partner.

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The Family Thrive Podcast

September 29, 2021

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The role of criticism and acceptance in building great family relationships

We all do it: the judgments, the criticism, the frustration, the desire for others to change. It might feel that accepting behaviors we don't like or just rub us the wrong way will just make those behaviors grow—and make us unhappy—over time. But what if acceptance is actually the answer?

In episode 12 of The Family Thrive Podcast, Audra asked Ryel about the role of acceptance in building deeper, more loving family relationships. Ryel's answer surprised us:

"That which we don't welcome in ourselves is that which we don't welcome in others. So those parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with in ourselves will be projected in our discomfort in those same parts, in other people."

Ryel went to explain that really coming to accept and have compassion for the parts of us that we most harshly judge or fear or resist will open the way for us to accept and have compassion for the most important people in our lives. This requires some serious inner work:

"To the degree that I can deepen a sense of intimacy with all aspects and parts of myself, the same degree to which I'm cultivating a deeper capacity to be with the experience of others. And that, to me, is the intimacy, the ability to remain in connection and in our bodies and our awareness, in our hearts, no matter what arises for us and for other people."

‍

The role of criticism and acceptance in building great family relationships

We all do it: the judgments, the criticism, the frustration, the desire for others to change. It might feel that accepting behaviors we don't like or just rub us the wrong way will just make those behaviors grow—and make us unhappy—over time. But what if acceptance is actually the answer?

In episode 12 of The Family Thrive Podcast, Audra asked Ryel about the role of acceptance in building deeper, more loving family relationships. Ryel's answer surprised us:

"That which we don't welcome in ourselves is that which we don't welcome in others. So those parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with in ourselves will be projected in our discomfort in those same parts, in other people."

Ryel went to explain that really coming to accept and have compassion for the parts of us that we most harshly judge or fear or resist will open the way for us to accept and have compassion for the most important people in our lives. This requires some serious inner work:

"To the degree that I can deepen a sense of intimacy with all aspects and parts of myself, the same degree to which I'm cultivating a deeper capacity to be with the experience of others. And that, to me, is the intimacy, the ability to remain in connection and in our bodies and our awareness, in our hearts, no matter what arises for us and for other people."

‍

The role of criticism and acceptance in building great family relationships

We all do it: the judgments, the criticism, the frustration, the desire for others to change. It might feel that accepting behaviors we don't like or just rub us the wrong way will just make those behaviors grow—and make us unhappy—over time. But what if acceptance is actually the answer?

In episode 12 of The Family Thrive Podcast, Audra asked Ryel about the role of acceptance in building deeper, more loving family relationships. Ryel's answer surprised us:

"That which we don't welcome in ourselves is that which we don't welcome in others. So those parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with in ourselves will be projected in our discomfort in those same parts, in other people."

Ryel went to explain that really coming to accept and have compassion for the parts of us that we most harshly judge or fear or resist will open the way for us to accept and have compassion for the most important people in our lives. This requires some serious inner work:

"To the degree that I can deepen a sense of intimacy with all aspects and parts of myself, the same degree to which I'm cultivating a deeper capacity to be with the experience of others. And that, to me, is the intimacy, the ability to remain in connection and in our bodies and our awareness, in our hearts, no matter what arises for us and for other people."

‍

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